1. The English word god is the Lord Thy God. He is a he. Thou shalt not call Him by any other name.
2. Thou shalt not make any graven images of Me that look funny.
3. Thou shall not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain, by which is meant actual prayer.
4. Remember the Sabbath Day to keep it wholly devoted to sports.
5. Honor thy father and mother. Send them (to the) home.
6. Thou shalt not kill except with an AR15 assault rifle
7. Thou shalt not commit adult behavior.
8. Thou shalt not steal unless thou art a multi-national corporation. Read more about The Snarky Commandments